Growing up

I know I have been harping on graduation a lot, but let's face it, it's a big part of my life and pretty much everyone else. It's times like these where I can look back and really notice how I have changed both physically and mentally (mainly from Junior high and below). Change isn't something that you can really tell while it's happening. It's so gradual that you can barely notice, unless maybe you pay real close attention. I guess a good metaphor for change in the sun-sets and sun-rises. It doesn't seem like the sun is moving unless you look for it to move. Anyways I look back on it and realize how different I am, but I still feel like my high school self, which brings me to my question. I don't know how old I look, I only know how old I feel. A question I have been asking myself constantly lately is do I look like a high school graduate, do I act like one? And if I don't then when will I make that change in my life? I guess that's just another thing I'm not going to know


On to the next chapter....

Escapes

Everyone has stress in their life.  Who ever doesn't have stress in their life, I wouldn't know whether to give him a great big hug or send him to a psych ward.  Stress is a big influence on our lives, and sometimes it can get so unbearable that we just need to get away sometimes.  I like to call these my escapes.  The things that we do to just melt away any stress that we feel in our lives.  Sometimes it's an activity, and sometimes it's just venting at someone.

AT THIS POINT IN TIME I WOULD LIKE TO LET ANYONE KNOW THAT I AM HERE TO VENT TO!!!! I HAVE TAKEN MANY A BEATING AND I WOULD LOVE TO HELP ANY OF YOU GUYS IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE.

As you all know graduation is coming up and even though it's summer I have a feeling this is going to be the most stressful summer of them all.  So I thought to myself, "What is a way to escape this stress?"  I already have video games, and facebook, and theatre, and I can already feel myself going to some of these more often then I did before.  I decided that I better pick some other things that might be a bit... More constructive then those.  For example I started this blog, but I need other things to do.  Others have piano, or sing really loudly.  Some people say that exercise is the best way to get stress.  Most people it seems talking is the very best way to get stress.  What it seems to be is just the basic busying yourself (which in America it seems to mean eating).  I hope that maybe someone can find this blog as a way of getting rid of stress.  

I don't know, I ramble.

On to the next chapter...

Describing myself

I was taking a survey today. It was a written survey and I was curious as to it's questions. One of the questions asked "How would you describe yourself?" and I felt that an interesting question to ask. For one thing it only gave me two lines to answer the question in, and also how does one describes themselves. I find my personality to flourish when I'm with others, so would it be right to judge myself? Would me describing myself do an injustice or would it just be an understatement. We all act very differently when we are alone. So I guess it would be more appropriate to ask how do you act in a social environment. Then that also leads to the question what kind of social environment you would be in. God knows that I am one of the most outgoing kids when I am around my friends, but you could not pay me to get directions from a stranger. Does that make me predominately shy, or mostly out-going. There are so many different ways and scenarios that we can describe ourselves in, it was just interesting to me.


On to another chapter

Graduation

It seems like life is set up into different parts that pretty much apply to all of us. You have your child age which includes toddlers, tween, teenagers and that such, then you go on to adult which includes early adult and middle age, and senior. Something that I have gotten a habit into thinking is every time I continue on to the next grade I think of it as a new beginning. Another chance to try something new, to maybe alter a bit of my personality to make myself a better person. It was good to feel like I had another chance to get something right. Once 3:10 hit today, I realized there was another new beginning.... But it will be one of my very last. There is no reset button for life anymore. You don't graduate or move on to a new grade. These years are going to be what define me as a person. How I'm going to act, how I'm going to react to the world around me...... Scary stuff. My worst fear is the fear of becoming a bad person. I don't think I am now, but even the whitest of clothes can get a stain. That is scary stuff.

On a side note, I almost cried for the first time today about leaving. I know most of you probably don't care all too much about water rolling down my face, but I don't cry all that much so I thought I would document it.

It was in choir class today. 4th hour, right in the middle of the day. I was perfectly fine the whole period, not even close to crying... But then that bell rang. I was in choir for all four years of high school. It was like a home to me inside that jungle, and it's hard to believe that a single bell that lasts for 3 seconds could end four years of good memories. I looked at the risen steps that had all the chairs on them and realized... I will never see this class room from this perspective ever again. But I swallowed that. I decided I couldn't leave that class without shaking my teachers hand and thanking him for the past four years of my life. I couldn't even look him in the eye without tears welling up in my eyes. I told him, "Thank you. For everything you have taught me and everything you have done for me." He just looked back and said, "Jeff, it was all my pleasure." I could feel tears welling up again. But I swallowed them. Then finally... I see her. Evelyn. One of my absolute best friends. One of two friends who i can truly say is was friends with since freshman year. I looked at her, and I hugged her, but I didn't want to let go; because I knew as soon as I let go, I'm letting go of this class and moving on from it. I would give anything to go back to that class.... Not high school, but that class. I hugged her tight, and realized I was probably suffocating her, so I let go. Tears once again welled up in my eyes. They almost came out of my eyes, but then at the last moment I was able to hold them in. It's not the time to cry yet, but I have a feeling it will be.

THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HAS HELPED ME FEEL AT HOME IN MY HIGH SCHOOL YEARS. I AM BLESSED TO HAVE KNOWN YOU, AND I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO REPAY THE DEBT I OWE YOU!!!



On to another chapter

Driving up to Michigan

So for the day after prom (Sunday May 17th) a bunch of friends and I went up to my friend Ellie's lake house. It was a fantastic time. Honestly I don't think I could think of a better way of spending my time. Too many inside jokes were made, from Frog Squad to, HOLY **** BOATS HAVE LEARNED TO NAVIGATE ON LAND!! WE AS A COUNTRY ARE SCREWED!!!! All in all it was a lot of fun, but driving up there for two hours made me realize something. As we are passing all these houses, all these front yards and trailers and movie theaters and shopping centers.... They made me realize that there are so many people out there, with different stories to tell, and different backgrounds, that I will never ever interact with in my life.

There are people out there who will live just perfectly without even knowing my name (Well... they might know my name seeing how it's Jeff Gordon... but that's beside the point). It's weird when you live in the moment, and all you think about is high school, and the friends you grew up with, everything that you find important in your life and somethings not so important. Everything affects you in one way or another. But there are billions of people out there who are probably some of the nicest people in the world, yet I will never know them.

We live such a short life, and we impact so many people in the time we live, but the number of people we impact is a small decimal compared to the population that inhabits this world. I have always made it a life goal of mine to impact people in the best most positive way I can. Thinking that there are so many people out there that might need a positive touch really makes me want to do my best with everyone I know and soon will know. I hope to anyone who is reading this that I have made you laugh at some point, or maybe smile a little bit. And to anyone who looks on me in a negative way, I am terribly sorry, and it hurts me to know I may have hurt you in anyway. But life pushes forward and persevere through the hard times



On to another chapter

The Next Chapter

So ends another chapter of the life that everyone lives through. So starts a new chapter with even more text and even finer print. Lately I have found myself in more deep thought then usual... And I like that. So I have decided to start a blog to hone my thoughts and maybe even get some feedback too. Yes I will rant occasionally and sometimes I might sound like a bitch; but hey, that's a fact of life. We all have out buttons that push us to a state of anger, and it's quite unhealthy for us to keep that inside. So I want to start the rest of my life on a good foot.